I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Randomize
