never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
