Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
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