i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
She's the barista slut.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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