Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
