dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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