So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
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