you're like a bully in the Christmas story
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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