dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
