Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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