I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
