i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Is Oprah even human
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Randomize
