There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Randomize
