they need to just BURY HIM!
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
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