Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Randomize
