It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
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