Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.