My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
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Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
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I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.