On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried