I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
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i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
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My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home