I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
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At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
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He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.