Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.