I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.