In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Women Are Tweeting Photos Of Their Underwear To Support Rape Victim Whose Thong Was Cited During Trial
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
21 ‘Don’t Say It’ Tweets That Are Gonna Get Said Every Damn Time
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.