So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
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well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
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She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.