To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night