He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Woman Using Lunch Break To Find Another Job Gets Hilariously Snitched On By The Local News
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
I have tasted many bathrooms
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
28 ‘Thanks For Coming To My Ted Talk Tweets’ Funnier And More Informative Than An Actual Ted Talk
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.