They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.