They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol