honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
