You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
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I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
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I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.