Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
I party with great urgency now.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
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Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.