The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
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Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
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On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.