Texts From Last Night

Last Night in Oklahoma (918)

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  (918): View more from Oklahoma

  If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........

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  (918): If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........ http://tfl.nu/fan3
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  I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.

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  (918): I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot. http://tfl.nu/9z19
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  I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.

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  (918): I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed. http://tfl.nu/bpmv
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  I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.

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  (918): I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass. http://tfl.nu/pyjz
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  After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.

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  (918): After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again. http://tfl.nu/cy0p
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  Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.

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  And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.

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  (918): Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted. (918): And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail. http://tfl.nu/06cg
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  eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet

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  (918): eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet http://tfl.nu/8959
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  She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...

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  (918): She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger... http://tfl.nu/dhcq
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  I wish there were birth control emojis

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  (918): I wish there were birth control emojis http://tfl.nu/p00p
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  How was the party last night?

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  I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.

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  (386): How was the party last night? (918): I'm dangerously close to shitting myself. http://tfl.nu/f0x1
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  Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.

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  And we're breaking up

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  (918): Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash. (918): And we're breaking up http://tfl.nu/t8m0
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  I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.

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  (918): I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me. http://tfl.nu/t73s
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  If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.

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  (1918): If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones. http://tfl.nu/ifdn
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  i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs

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  (918): i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs http://tfl.nu/moe6
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  I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed

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  (918): I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed http://tfl.nu/e5rt
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