Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
20 People Confess What It’s Really Like To Live Under Sharia Law
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
21 Texts That Prove All the Magic Happens in Parking Lots
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.