I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?