Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
I'm having to shit out rocks
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