i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
