You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
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Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
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Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.