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Last Night in Illinois (331)

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• (331): View more from Illinois

  You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.

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• (331): View more from Illinois

  My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.

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• (331): View more from Illinois

  DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME

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• (331): View more from Illinois

  Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!

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• (331): View more from Illinois

  She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"

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• (331): View more from Illinois

  So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.

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