You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
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She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.