You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
29 “I’m Getting Old” Moments
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.