Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
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