Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
I just found puke in my bra..
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
