whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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