At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
