You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Randomize
