Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
I skipped work to stalk him.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Randomize
