i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
