Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize
