you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Randomize
