I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
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