ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Randomize
