i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
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