Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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