I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize