remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
