I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?