She's JV to your varsity
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.