Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
