I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
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