bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend