he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
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If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
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