One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
She bit a glass in half.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
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